Friends For Hire

Requirements
- Must be shorter than me. Five foot eleven or less.
- Never pick nose. That's my move.
- If there's something in your teeth I will probably chuckle, then go about our conversation. You cannot do this. I floss daily for a reason.
- Must salute me at random. Gotta show respect to get it.
- Must achieve talking in complete, coherent sentences whilst food is in mouth.
- If I laugh we must laugh.
- Tomatoes are good.
- I will pick you up but you must offer to pay for gas. Or, give one of your goats*
- If I tease you about one of your insecurities and it hurts your feelings you must KEEP THAT SHIT TO YOURSELF.
- Lie only when it betters your social standing or gets you free stuff. Don't lie to me.
- Money is bad but food is good. Money buys food*  Much like friendship.






*You probably will not get the goat back
*Money=food; thus money is fickle like rainwater in a desert but is good summadatime